The day I started my entry-level job out of college, myself and three other new consultants sat in a conference room together for the full day. We had all sorts of orientation presentations on the company, on benefits, on methodology and on client relationships. I introduced myself to the guy next to me – we’ll call him Mark. The next day we came in for orientation day round two and Mark asked me my name again. No problem! Then he asked me my name every day for the next week straight, at which point it got a little bit awkward.

Remembering names is enormously important. Dale Carnegie says “remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Whether it’s somebody you were introduced to at a party or someone you meet at work, it’s a sign of respect and of listening to be able to remember their name. It’s certainly not easy and lots of people have a hard time with remembering names, so here are a few strategies for you to try out next time you meet somebody so you don’t end up embarrassing yourself.

Actually Listen

If you see somebody coming in for a handshake and they’re saying their name, what are you thinking? Usually it’s about everything but the person’s name. Maybe it’s what they look like or what they’re wearing or what you had for breakfast that morning or whether you locked the door or what you’re going to have for dinner tonight. Most often though, it’s “okay self, get ready to say your name back to them!” You know your own name by now, so focus on what they’re actually saying instead of preparing what you’re going to say next.

Repeat the Name Back to Them

When you meet somebody, the conversation usually goes like this:

New Person: Hi, I’m ______.

You: Hey, my name’s ______.

or

You: Hi, my name’s _______.

New Person: I’m ________.

You: Nice to meet you!

Next time, repeat the person’s name back to them before you respond. “Mike? I’m Max, nice to meet you.” This gives you a chance to say their name out loud and associate it with them.

Talk About their Name

As soon as you get somebody’s name, try asking a question about their name or making a comment about it. It could be about how they spell it or where it came from.

“Oh, your name’s Sarah? Do you spell it with an H at the end or no?”

“Peter? My roommate sophomore year was named Peter.”

“I don’t know too many people named Mary – is it a family name?”

“Bart? That’s interesting, do people always make Simpsons jokes? I promise I won’t.”

This is by far my favorite technique because it gives you a conversation to remember about their name, instead of just the name itself. It’s far easier to recall somebody’s name when it’s a topic of conversation and you’ve spent some time discussing it.

Use Their Name in Conversation

You’re probably thinking about those awkward people who have read this before and use names WAY TOO MUCH. Don’t be that guy (or girl)! Overusing names can really freak people out, but try to do it when it feels natural to you. Introduce them to someone else that you already know, address them in a group of people or use their name when saying goodbye. By actually saying their name you’re able to practice and create that link in your mind that connects a person to their name.

“Mike, it was really nice to meet you. Hopefully we’ll see you back here soon.”

“Have a good one Candace, good luck on your marathon next week.”

Write it Down

Photo by: Heisenberg Media

When you get a second, consider writing down the person’s name and something interesting about them, especially if this is someone that you’ll likely see again. If you’re in the same class or work in the same building, it’s very likely that you’ll see that person again. Not only does the act of writing something down help commit it to memory, but you’ll also have a record of it if you ever need to refer back to it. When you do see them the next time, you’ll know their name and be able to ask them a follow-up question to something that you discussed the first time you met.
I personally like to keep an Evernote notebook where I can save names of people that I’d like to remember. That way it’s always available on your phone and you can search based on the fact you wrote down. Can’t remember the name of the guy who distills his own vodka? That’s Steve.

What to Do If You Forget

Sometimes you’ll forget. We all do. The best way to handle this is also the simplest – just ask. If you’ve just met somebody or run into them again, most everybody will be fine with the classic “I’m sorry, I totally spaced your name. What is it again?” You don’t want to be the person greeting everybody with “Oh hey maaaan” or “ooooh you!” so you might as well just ask.

If you really should know by now and don’t think it’d be appropriate to ask them, you can introduce a friend or have them ask directly. It’s better to figure it out than try to guess or avoid the fact that you don’t know their name. It happens to everyone, so don’t be too hard on yourself when it happens to you.